Forever

I really dont know what is love
I didnt know it will come to me like this
my heart doesnt act like it wants to in front on my love
If i knew i was going to be like this
i wouldnt have started in the first place
like a fool, i m regretting this love
i wished that you wouldnt be my love
i wished that it wouldnt be you
you deceited me, telling me that its not love
i hoped it would by a passing by fate
because painful wounds will be left on me
but even when i know this, i am still greedy
it keeps getting me sad n hurt
i thought that it was a wrong start
i thought it will be easy
i believed that i could always call you
what should i do?
where did it go wrong?
i need to avoid this love
but i yearn for everything about you

now if its not you, there is no meaning to anything
i cant contain myself anymore
the fact that i have to erase you...
once again today, i found that it even harder to do so..

Blossoming Flower~

Life, 
the moment when a flower blooms, no one seen the moment of it...
even if the flower withers, the value of a flower does not break down and leaves.

Time, 
Till yesterday, the time was too slow as it would not pass...
But the time when I beside u, was not sufficient as it was too fast..

Today,
I couldnt say anything, and for some reason I started not to feel anything..
As this was something really strange and powerful happening to me..
Night was not able break into dawn, even if it broke, the day have no end...

Words,
It wasnt sufficient as long as I live.. hope my eyes would do all the talking..
Yesterday was not sufficient as well as tomorrow would not be sufficient, 
but this moment was sufficient enough for me.. 

Without roots, without seeds, without rains being sprinkled from the sky..
Yet the flowers in the garden is blooming..
Without sword,without struggle, without painful war, yet the love is conquering me...

Will the love fill the hear, or the hesitance stood there and stops my love? 
To seek for the answer, where I do need to seek it? But if u get it, u must tell it to me as well.

Never vacant....

been almost a year, 
I heard ur heart cries, 
I came every night,
but u locked urself up in the room,
I look into ur eyes and saw a tide,
wanna to turn the tide away, 
but u were hurt to let me in ur heart, 

even when ur heart cries for love,
u just act like there is no room,
all i saw was a sign of "dont disturb"
there was no room for me
n u closed the door, turn the key on everything we could be...

Then, u came back, 
giving me hopes, 
giving me chances, 
letting me to be a small part of ur life,
i tot u are not afraid that u will get another cancellation,
i wished to make a permanent reservation n stay in ur heart... 

but i failed to understand,
when i talked to u on phone,
u seems to understand everything,
when we meet up, u gave me the smile to ensure me everything is fine,

n one day u returned saying u dont feel anything
it just wasnt love... 
then what was that smile?
what was that look? 
what was that feeling that u care about me?
why u denying everything happened between us... 

been one year since that day,
n u came back with another man 
another man by ur side,
i pretended nothing,
but it was devastating... 

what could go wrong with me,
u never let me know till today,
what was in ur heart..
but today i knew
there was never a room for me... 

i was just guest in ur life,
a room that being shared by everyone
whom happened to be passing by in ur life...

Despite I could say I moved on,
tears still rolling,
but i braced it with a smile upon my face..

Memories

Love is like a double edge sword
it can makes u feel like at the top of the world
but it also can cut u deeper than any wound u ever known
u can live yet u r dead
u can see yet u r blind
u can talk yet with no voice
u can breathe even when ur breath taken away
n u can love but yet u remain with no heart
sometimes a past relationship can hurt u so bad, u simply wanna escape
u find refuge, solace
someplace u can hide
run away from the world
but wait, there is more than this
u know love can be asuch strange n funny thing
they say when u least expected, love take its form in the unlikeliest manner
have u ever wonder sometimes, that all this be real?
the happy times, the sad times, the times we had struggle to pull through
when u look into her eyes and she looking back into ur eyes, what is it like
holding her hands for the first time, soft skin, a warm heart
some believe no matter how far u go, u will always remember, your first love
its the first cut that is the deepest
someone came between us
n we are forced apart
there was no happy ending between us,
this is our song
and only u can finish its words,
the sorrow is only too much for to bear
n escape is the only solution
sometimes, the hardest thing to do is letting it go
heavy hearts , sweet memories, how do we end up like this?
how that perfection become imperfection?

Beauty~

Beauty, you smiled with your lips
Truly, That’s enough for me, please smile
You shocked my tissues
You gave brightness to my nights
You won my ego and
made it bow towards you.

I will forget everything and follow you
if u accept,
I will give you the Moon  and
I will be walking at the distance of your shadow
while that moment will be drawn as a poem

Oh my girl, my heart,
my soul, come before me
You only named my soul

Oh my girl, my heart,
my soul, come before me
You only named my soul

Lies...

gone away, u walked away from me,
alone here suffering and wont be needing ur presence beside me,
never mind u can just go away,
walking alone in this empty street, dont need to be alive anymore
never mind u can just go away,
each place u touch, now burns on my skin,
never mind u can just go away,
each seconds i m going thru now, is only for u..
throw me away, u have gone,
stole my heart, u gone away
played with my life, u have gone,
now left death only awaits me

this life, i m living it for u,
just for u, my girl,
u showed me the meaning of love,
but u took it away,
till now, all the days i lived with u,
to live it again now without u,
can u understand the pain i m living in,

cant understand my love, its ur lost,
shattered my dreams into pieces, its ur fault,
made my feelings like a toy, u just played with it,
walk away, u just went out from my life,
its ur decision, n its ur choice..
I never felt true love until I was with you,
and I never felt true sadness until i got the truth from you.
We both said I love you, but the only differences here is that
you lied about it..

Cycle of life

Surviving...
Thats what I am barely doing it correctly,
Pretending,
That's what I am doing it perfectly,
Missing,
Never stop a single second till now,
Suffering,
For not to be able to be with you,
Denying,
Toughest thing to do every day,
Rising,
That the job that I got to do now....